Daily Archives: June 17, 2009

Things My Father Taught Me: Shaun Barneveld

Shaun Barnevald of Trimmed with Gold Above takes time to reflect on the importance of honesty.

sb1Ask the writers of most lifestyle blogs out there, “who influences your style?” and the answer will almost always be their father. Most will go into a detailed description of the clothing they wear or the items they own. That is not the case with me.

While this is a Father’s Day article, and yes, my father is one of my major inspirations, it isn’t because he is stylish or has a great collection of personal items (though he possesses great potential). I know his likes and dislikes and I’ve seen the way he dressed before he met my mother (she just needs to stop getting him Ed Hardy shirts and clothing of the like; she did work for Ed Hardy at one time, so it is quite understandable). Nevertheless, my father is my major influence because of who he is not what he wears which in my eyes is how it should be.

There are few lessons I have learned in life more valuable than those my Father taught me. They’re basic but hard to come by in today’s world. I commend my father for not only teaching but also living these lessons. I see a lot of lying, cheating and stealing, and I find it appalling. My father told me time and time again to tell the truth at any cost. I’ll be honest, when I was young I would lie. I did it in order to avoid getting in trouble, but it never worked. I always got caught, and while I was never grounded, my parents disappointment was too much to bear. I wound up punishing myself. My father would tell me that he and my mother could not get mad if I told the truth but if I lied and got caught, I would get in bigger trouble than I could have for any actions I could have made. And he stuck to his word. When the truth was told I would not get in trouble, I would just get the talk.

sb2Like he stuck to his word, he always told me to stick to mine. To not make promises I could no uphold, and to fulfill my promises no matter what it took to do so. And if a favor was done for you repayment of any sort was a must. What I have always gotten from this is that Karma is not something that arbitrarily happens, you have to make it happen. It all starts with your attitude and ends with your actions. “Do unto other what you would want done unto you.” And so, I have.

Everyone gives credit to my mother for the way I am, and as much as she has been an influence on me, it was as a child that I would watch my Father and learn from his example. I love him more than life itself and know he is reading this. He supports me in all my ventures and is probably the most loyal fan of my site. He reads it everyday. That is what I call a Father.

Shaun Barnevald, Trimmed with Gold Above

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Things My Father Taught Me: Clint Nohavec

On my trip to Chicago, I met Clint Nohavec of The Constants Kept. He’s now back in the Pacific Northwest knockin’ it down time and again on his site. He disproves the adage “nice guys finish last.” Clint’s a winner a hundred times over. Must be the spiral toss. See what he has to say about his father.

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cn1I can remember raiding my dad’s dresser drawer as a kid in the late 1980s, digging out his faded Nike and Adidas t-shirts that had become accidentally trendy. I’d lay the shirts out on my bed and meticulously plan my outfit for the day which, at that time, typically included tight-rolled jeans and Oakley Frogskin sunglasses. To me, the vintage t-shirts demonstrated to the world my refined 10 year-old tastes. To my dad, they were simply shirts that he kept because they worked well tucked into sweatpants, and there was no need to buy new ones. I still smile when I visit my parents and see my dad in his signature look: sneakers, sweatpants, and one of those old tees.
cn2I have a sense of style, I suppose, but it’s certainly not like my dad’s. Mine is manufactured, but disciplined – sticking to rules like showing a half inch of cuff, and never wearing navy blue with black. His style is idiosyncratic, inflexible, and permanent – the result of 57 years of discovering what works, and sticking with it. As Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “the young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.”

Nonetheless, I’ve gone to great lengths over the years to impart my sense of style (and my rules) on my dad. I can recall many Father’s Day gifts – J.Crew shirts, Brooks Brothers coats, Esquire’s “Handbook of Style” – that were well-received but quickly found their way to the back of my dad’s perfectly-organized closet, not to be seen again. His wardrobe is never going to change much and, though it’s taken me a while, I now realize that that’s okay. And while there’s not much I can borrow from my dad’s style, that’s okay too. Because his lessons are less about style, and more about substance.

cn3My dad played football growing up, which is surprising given his small size. What he lacked in stature, he made up for with savvy and a damn tight spiral. Learning to throw a spiral, as it turns out, is not easy. It takes balance, patience, and attention to detail – qualities that my dad has en masse. By high school, he was an All-American Quarterback. He’s fifty seven years old, and still throws the most perfect spiral I have ever seen.

cn4Those same qualities that made my dad a great quarterback stuck with him throughout his life. He found success as a businessman, rising up to become a senior officer of a Fortune 100 company. His professional ascent was never about prestige or accumulation, but about the silent pride that came with creating opportunities for his family. A few months ago, after thirty three years on the job, he retired.

Looking back, my dad’s greatest style lessons come not from his wardrobe, grooming advice, or fashion maxims, but from the steady, workmanlike way that he has lived his life. And those lessons will stick with me: do things right, learn to throw a spiral, and hang on to your old t-shirts.cn5
Clint Nohavec, The Constants Kept

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